Outdoor Therapy

 

I went for a long walk today,

My "Daring Greatly" t-shirt hidden under my jacket.

 

I told my story in the shadow of the trees,

And felt my words take wing and rise up in the gentle morning breeze. 

 

I shared my story with the Great Blue Heron that followed me down the creek.

 

We watched each other - bearing silent witness

as something passed between us.

And as I watched her take flight

 I too was lifted up.

 

 

 

Steeping

I have been enjoying a cup of herbal tea most mornings. I enjoy the ritual of preparing it as well as the aroma, the taste and the warmth -- sometimes I get a little ahead of myself and don't allow it to steep long enough.

Steep: to soak in water or other liquid, as to soften, cleanse, or extract some constituent.

 

Lately I have had a couple of phrases that I have been

allowing to steep in my  mind....

 

 

Radical Acceptance

 

Fierce Grace

 

Extravagant Compassion

 

Sacred Pause

 

 

I'm enjoying the steeping process:

letting them

soften my heart

cleanse my soul

and

extracting meaning

from them.

 

I have been "steeping" myself over the past year in some great books that have included those phrases. The phrases all rang true to me and I have enjoyed thinking about them,
putting them into practice and and thinking about them some more.

 Isn't life a grand adventure?
At this point in the journey I'm finally
 learning how to enjoy the ride :)

 

If you need a great herbal tea try Tazo's,

if you want something to read try one of these.

 

Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach)

The Power of Now (Ekhart Tolle)

Awakening Joy (James Baraz)

True Refuge (Tara Brach)

 

 

 

Sisterhood of the Sunday Pants

A few thoughts:

I have had the "why don't we wear pants to church?" conversation with a number of friends over the years. Imagine my delight when I found the discussion spreading over the internet over the past several weeks. This conversation is often filed in my mind under similar discussions over what is tradition, what is doctrine, what is Mormon culture and what is Mormon folklore, etc.

All good questions.

However, I think something that got lost in the dialog was that wearing pants on Sunday wasn't about dress codes. For me it was, as Joanna Brooks wrote, "an event conceived as an expression of Mormon feminist visibility and solidarity and a gentle challenge to traditional gender inequalities in Mormonism".

It wasn't a protest.
It wasn't disrespectful.
It wasn't really about the pants.

For me:

It was about asking, is there a place within the church to examine some long held ideas?
It was about saying there are active Mormon feminists who love the gospel.
It was about asking, we are here - is there room for us?
It was about saying there is gender-inequality within the church.

Is there space within the church to begin to look at some of those questions?
Is there room for honest and heart-felt conversations?
Is there a willingness to accept that everyone doesn't feel the same about every issue?
Can we find ways to be more Christ-like as we engage in this conversation?

The saddest thing for me has been the the vehemence with which people have responded. It was disheartening to hear/read statements like:

If that's what you think, you need to find another church.
If that's what you think you obviously no longer have a testimony.

So let's sit down together - in whatever we choose to wear - and have a real conversation!

Restorative Yoga and Support

Several weeks before Emily's due date, I found myself hospitalized after what I thought would be a routine Dr's appointment. Late that night I found myself wide-awake and unable to get comfortable. A nurse helped me change positions and basically used lots of extra pillows to surround me with support. I don't remember exactly what position I was in, but I will never forget that feeling. I still remember being able to lean into that support, relaxing and finally falling asleep. A few hours later a healthy Emily arrived!

Emily is almost 18-years old .... I haven't thought of that night in quite awhile but I was reminded of it yesterday while attending a Restorative Yoga workshop.  If you haven't tried restorative yoga you really should - it is amazing. Gratitude-filled shout-outs to Tara, a great teacher and Sage Yoga a great new studio. The poses are very relaxing and restful - for body and mind, hold times are longer, and blocks, blankets, bolsters, etc. are used to provide support. 

(Picture Credit)

 As I entered each pose and turned to my breath, I found myself opening to the sensation of being fully supported. Throughout the remainder of the day, as I recalled this sensation of being supported, I thought of times in my life when I have felt supported and times when I have not. I also thought of times when I needed support but didn't know how to ask for it or struggled to lean into support that was offered. 

I am getting better

at asking for

and

 leaning
into

support.

I ended the day with profound gratitude for my yoga practice, my yoga teachers and for the Aarons and Hurs in my life who have lifted up my hands, strengthened my feeble knees and propped me up when I was too tired to stand. (Exodus 17:12, D&C 81:5)

I am grateful for them.

I hope they know who they are.

I want to be like them. 

Have You Been Grounded Lately?!

I don't ever remember being grounded as a kid - I'm not sure if that indicates a memory issue or if it is just further evidence of the fact that I was (as I have always maintained) a model child. The reality is probably that my parents realized that grounding was more of a punishment for them than it was for any of us :)

I have been thinking a lot lately about the notion of being grounded.

You can

gain ground

cover ground

break ground.

You can ground

 a pilot

a plane

a disobedient child.

You can

hit a ground ball or ground out

use ground forces or engage in a ground attack.

There are

picnic grounds

proving grounds

legal grounds.

I have spent a great deal of time over the past two years

learning how to become grounded.

I learned it at the gym

I learned it on the yoga mat

I learned it in a therapist's office

I learned it during dark days and long nights

I learned it in the bright light of rediscovered
choice
connections
and
courage.

I now know what it feels like to be grounded.

I also know what it feels like when I am not grounded.

Sometimes I am grounded.

Sometimes I am not

and so I continually practice

but more than practicing

it has become a practice

it is how I choose to live my life

on the days when it is easy 

and more importantly

on the days when it is hard.

what grounds you?

 



Practice

At a yoga workshop last year I heard the following:

"If you want to change

your life

change your practice."

This phrase has been bouncing around in my head for the last couple of weeks and I have

thought a lot about the difference between practice and a practice.

The yogi was right and it applies equally on and off the mat.

I'm still thinking and continuing to change my practice(s).

For the time being

RECLAIM. RENEW. REJOICE.



Monday is Laundry Day

When I was first married, my sweet mother-in-law gave me a set of dishtowels that she had embroidered that provided me with a chore schedule, that if I had followed, probably would have changed my life. At the very least it would have led to a cleaner house. Monday was to be Laundry Day. At our house, laundry day is kind of on an as-needed basis and fortunately our girls have been good about keeping up with their own laundry - this might explain why they have copious amounts of clothes (particularly underwear) thereby enabling them to postpone doing laundry practically indefinitely. Sorry girls, your secret is out.


I have been thinking a lot about laundry lately, fortunately just during daylight hours. During college I worked at a hotel laundry and I used to dream sheets, towels and banquet tablecloths. And yes, that is why I can fold king-sized sheets neatly all by myself! I currently do my laundry in a cramped closet-sized space that is really just a hallway-ish room that connects the kitchen to the garage. I think the architect that designed our home got distracted and when turning in the plans looked them over one last time and said, "Dang, I completely forgot about the laundry room -- let's just stick it here on the way to the garage." Because of this, I am a little envious of those who have amazing laundry rooms -- like a friend who has two washers and two dryers in her laundry room, and a sister whose laundry room is ginormous and includes lovely built in cabinets and counters and storage. However when I think about my fore-mothers and their streams, rocks, iron pots, open fires, washboards, and wringers -- my cramped laundry room looks pretty inviting.

Sometimes when I do the laundry I become contemplative.

I have actually stood mesmerized watching the front load
 machine at the cabin.

I appreciate the discrete steps
the

gathering

sorting

washing

drying

folding

that my linear mind seems to understand.

Laundering has certainly changed through the years but one constant has always been the water -- I have to admit to being disappointed when we upgraded(?) to high efficiency washers. Don't tell the eco-police but I routinely used to set the water level one higher than was needed for the size of the load -- I loved the sound of the sloshing water and doesn't more water equal cleaner clothes? 

Apparently not.

There is something very satisfying about taking a basket full of dirty laundry and then being part of the process that transforms it from dirty to clean. I was recently visiting with someone and we started to talk about airing dirty laundry. Afterwards I thought about how we sometimes get overwhelmed literally and figuratively by piles of extra dirty, smelly laundry. I know because I have some -- but I am realizing that our dirty laundry doesn't need to be aired - it needs to be gathered, sorted, washed, dried, and folded. Transformed from dirty to clean. Perhaps the final step -- putting it away -- means getting rid of it, letting it go, repurposing it into something usable, or maybe even putting it back into storage to deal with at another time.

Water cleans our clothes and our souls.

(even the extra dirty, smelly stuff)

I believe it is found in

the baptismal font

the sacramental cup

in

believing

 the Living Water

As a child I often fell asleep on sheets that had been hung outside on a clothes line to dry. I love seeing clothes and linens, washed clean and air drying in the sun. Nothing is cleaner. Turns out our neighborhood doesn't allow clothes lines... we are all missing out. 

I think I got my best sleep on those sheets...

Breathe

As a child I had the experience of having the wind knocked out of me.

 I can still remember the panicky sense of feeling like I couldn't breathe. 

Image

"Breathe," says my yogi.

"Breathe," says my personal trainer.

"Take a deep breath," says my doctor.

"Better breath control," said my band director.

"Just Breathe," sings Anna Nalick.

"I love watching you breathe," I whispered to my babies.

God breathed the breath of life;

and man became a living soul.

(Genesis 2)

Breathing in is in-spiration.

It is beautiful to me that God breathed life into us.

His inspiration continues to

bring life to us 

when we create

when we serve

when we love

when we live

i will catch my breath

i will breathe a sigh of relief

i will save my breath

i will savor a breath of fresh air

i will allow my breath to be taken away

by

beauty

joy

love

by
life

Dreaming

I love dreams - I frequently wake up trying to remember the details. I lie in bed during the wee hours of the morning and think. I think about what my subconscious might be working through or trying to process. I think about the symbolic nature of dreams and consider what different people or places or activities might have represented. I think about the patterns that present themselves and wonder what they might be telling me.

I wonder about the questions that my dreams might be asking or answering.

I sleep with someone who often falls asleep thinking about a problem and wakes up with an answer. It happens so often that I am surprised that it still surprises me. The problems are usually work related -- I'm not sure how he goes about billing clients for his time, when he works their problems out in his dreams.

His answers are concrete and solid. The answers my dreams provide are brief glimpses and flashes of insight. They are silvery glimmers viewed through gossamer. There is nothing left to hold.

Every once in a while I am left with something more substantial.

I try to hold onto it as long as I can.

Turning it over in my mind,

trying it on,

thinking it through.

Sometimes it only lasts for minutes,

sometimes for hours,

sometimes longer.

A recent dream provided a thought that I want to plant in fertile soil, water, weed and carefully tend this year.

I'm not going to have it stamped into sterling silver,

I'm not going to wear it around my neck or wrist.

I'm not going to paint it

or etch it

or turn it into vinyl lettering.

I will however hold on to it

not too tightly

but just tight enough

I will turn it over in my mind.

I will try it on,

and I will think it through.

Courage

I recently purchased this mixed media painting and collage from an amazing artist, Kandy from Bit O' Whimsey (an Etsy store). It was a gift to myself and I have to say...

I Love It

I love

the style

the young woman

the colors

the words

and

what

they

mean

to

me

.

.

.

Parting the Clouds

Rainy Days and Mondays

Blue Eyes Cryin in the Rain

A Little Fall of Rain

(Checkerboard Mesa after a storm)

We are slowly drying out here after an August and September filled with what seemed to be daily deluges. Because there always seems to be plenty of rain, I never feel guilty about wishing/singing, "Rain, rain, go-away"! It is easy to take rain for granted when you routinely receive over 40-inches of rain a year, putting us on a par with Portland and Seattle.

(Not the view from the cabin - Grand Canyon North Rim)

Rain at the cabin is an entirely different story. There is always a sense of excitement that accompanies the possibility of rain. We watch, we wait and we wonder. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that the yearly rainfall at the cabin is less than 6-inches. Sometimes the clouds gather and darken, but nothing else happens. However, sometimes the rain does come - usually in the form of a brief, blustery, downpour. We sit out on the covered deck and watch the lightening and listen to the thunder. The storm blows in, the temperature drops, the wind whips the rain onto the deck and before we get too settled into our watching, the storm has passed.

(Actual view from the deck)

I learned something about clouds and storms while visiting 2nd Mesa on the Hopi Reservation in Arizona. Craig and I were there to meet with a phenomenal artist and craftsman, Weaver Selina and his wife Alberta, an award-winning coil basket maker and artist in her own right. We were there to commission custom silver overlay wedding bands - to replace my wedding ring after the central diamond and its setting broke off and were lost. (The diamond and setting were actually found a year later.... long story.) We worked with the Selina's to choose traditional Hopi symbols, and then spent the afternoon designing bands that we hoped would symbolize our marriage and our future.

Craig wanted to include the symbols for clouds, rain and lightening on his band. He has always been a storm watcher and we joked with the Selina's that our marriage has weathered a few storms through the years. All joking aside, I questioned why Craig would want to permanently display those symbols on a wedding band.

(After storm view and sunset from the deck)

Craig understood the symbolism better than I did and Weaver kindly taught me that while the symbols represent what they are (clouds, rain and lightening), because every drop of rain is precious and life-sustaining, they also symbolize

change

renewal

and

fertility.

As I experience clouds and rain, and intense thunderstorms in my life, I find myself hoping that the storms will end, the clouds will part, and the sun will return. However, I am also learning that as important as it is to watch for, focus on and savor the moments when the clouds part, it is also valuable to remember that storms bring about opportunities to experience change and renewal and *fertility.

And every drop can become precious and life-sustaining.

*Full disclosure, at this point in my life my only interest in the fertility aspect of the symbols is purely with regard to intangible concepts and ideas!

It's A Process, Right?

(Etsy)

I'm not a real believer in coincidences. When I sense coincidences occuring in my life, I tend to look around a little to see if perhaps something more profound is at work than mere happenstance. So, when three different people, in three different settings, with whom I have three very different relationships all suggested the same thing within a week, I took note.

Have you thought about forgiving?

I will be honest - in all three situations I allowed myself to disengage from the conversation (while still nodding politely and saying all of the right things) and I imagined a place where:

People don't say hurtful things.

People don't do cruel things.

People don't blatantly seek to do harm.

People are mindful of others.

People are held accountable for their actions.

People apologize.

Then I asked all three of them, "How about a little less focus on me forgiving, and a little more focus on the people who have done the things that need to be forgiven!" Then I thought of a few other things that I really wanted to say - a few things, that probably put me in the category of needing to ask their forgiveness.

I now find myself...

Contemplating CS Lewis "On Forgiveness".

Thinking about 1 Nephi 7:21 (emphasis on frankly).

Considering making space in my life for this possibility.

It's a process right?!

Today is Craig's Birthday

It is a big one.

I won't divulge the actual number,

although you are free to guess.

While you are guessing I will

share with you 50

things about the man I love!

Craig is...

thoughtful

kind

the world's best gift-giver

smart

a romantic

(the young man I dated and fell in love with)

Some Craig-isms we enjoy

If we don't get on that plane we aren't going.

That is one ugly cow.

How about some get smart radio? (NPR)

I hear and obey...

Where is the last place you remember having it?

You can't save me money by spending my money!

I go to work everyday - you go to school - doing well in school is your job!

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

(the man I married)

Craig is a great father

The girls love...

his nicknames

his made-up songs

dancing hands

letting them "shift" in the Tracer

going shopping with him

(where he buys things I NEVER buy them

candy, magazines, extra make-up, etc)

his jig-of-joy

Things he has taught:

the value of hard work

try to do one thing more

don't shoot the volunteers

help where you are able

have integrity

be responsible

He loves:

history

geography

the Civil War

fantasy/science fiction

the National Geographic

Christmas music

Faure

Saint-Saens

Boston

Alison Kraus

organ music

USU

handwoven rugs

old maps

travel

very nice hotels

very good food

Zion National Park

Because of Craig, we love:

Christmas

Disneyland and Disney World

Puzzles

Nutella

Pistachios

Cadbury Eggs

Ritter Sport

Saturday Doughnuts

(fondly referred to as Craig Doughnuts by family/friends)

Farmer's Markets

Craig always:

**spoiler alert**

fills the Christmas stockings and Easter baskets

does the weekly grocery shopping (long story - ask if you want details)

cooks Sunday dinner - except for his 5-yr hiatus while in the bishopric

stays up until everyone is home

That ended up being a few more than 50 - how do you confine yourself to 50 things when someone is a great father, a wonderful husband and truly your best friend?!

Happy Birthday!

Angel's Landing

Someone asked for pictures -- so here they are!

This is where it all begins...

Walter's Wiggles - a clever name for a set of switchbacks that could possibly make you cry! We made amazing time on the switchbacks - only stopping once - and only long enough for Alicia to catch up! The switchbacks are long, steep and seem to never end. They are about 1.5 miles long and really are brutal. The end of the hike is intense - but the switchbacks are where you better be prepared to prove yourself!

A view of the Wiggles from above.

In answer to my question of, "Is that where we are headed?"
The answer was, "Yes, Mom - the top of that - that is where we are going."
The next obvious question was.... HOW?!

Well - little steps cut into the rock - kind of...


Yes... that is the path...

and up cracks and crevices in the rock if you want to do it the hard way or you can use the chains and steps (to the left) apparently designed for people who are significantly taller than me.

It helps if you are hiking with a sweet daughter and an

entertaining and encouraging son-in-law...

What the @#$# - we're going up there?!

Yes, we are and remember - what goes up must come down...

I apologize to my mom in advance if she is looking at these photos as she isn't a fan of heights or her loved ones climbing them. When we were climbing the Leaning Tower of Pisa she sat in The Cathedral of our Lady of the Assumption next door and prayed for us. Similar family lore exists for The Eiffel Tower, The Grand Canyon, etc. (I think you get the gist - she doesn't like heights).

I hope it helps her to know that we held on really, really tight!


Some rather scary places were actually chainless -part of the overall
Republican cut-backs I think... oh, but I digress...

At the top where we fought off hordes of chipmunks who apparently had not been notified that they should be afraid of people. FYI - PEOPLE PLEASE STOP FEEDING THE CHIPMUNKS!

(That means you, Tyler)

The View

If we look more tired at the beginning of the hike it is because I only took pictures on the way down - the pictures are in order from beginning to end - but were taken in reverse order -- if that makes sense.

The hike was in a word... AMAZING.

It was physical, it was spiritual and it was emotional.

Thanks again to Tyler and Alicia - for going with me.

Thanks to Katie - for getting me ready.

...and special thanks to someone for keeping me grounded.

It was indeed a Celebration of Life.

Eleven Percent

(Cabin Sweet Cabin)

I am not a very regular blogger - and being away from my normal(?) routine(?) makes me even less so. There are a few things I want to remember though about this summer. Hopefully I will fill in with more details... but if not at least I will have the basics....

Me Time

Walks, Workouts and Yoga

4th of July Weekend with Alicia and Tyler

Canyon Overlook, Bryce, North Rim

Aunt Ruth's B'Day Celebration

Emily and Craig's Arrival

Time with Mom & Dad

(My dreams of being an only child were finally realized!)

Early-Morning Valley Views

Lunch with a friend!

EFY/Cousins/Sister Breakfast

Janes Reunion

Lagoon

Talked Cabin Art

Killpacks

Tuacahn - The Little Mermaid

Darin, Elisa, Miriam, Bub and Soren

Cascade Falls

Kent, Julie, Ricki and Kade

Brad's Food Hut - yes you read that correctly

Shauna and James

Cable Mountain, North Rim

Harry Potter 7 Part 2

Cara

Rewind Diner, Jacob Lake

Alicia and Tyler

Canyon Overlook, Gunsmoke, Petroglyphs, Kanab's Movie Set Museum

Lunt's

Petroglyphs and the Tea Party (with Z - not the crazies)

More Kristee time

Angel's Landing Hike

Sad Good-Byes... or rather See-You-Soons...

Summer Lessons Learned

Now all that is left is cleaning, laundry and closing things up.

I have always told people that the cabin is my sanctuary and my refuge -

it has been that especially this year -

...perhaps more than ever.

Again and again this summer I have been reminded of the importance of truly recognizing and experiencing the joys, blessings, positives and beauties of both this place and this time.

I did - in ways that have changed me forever.

I did the math and realized that I will have spent 11% of the year here - here's to hoping I can remember everything I have learned here the remaining 89% of the year...

Grand Canyon - North Rim

I might be a little biased (having worked nearby for two summers) but I think that the views of the Grand Canyon from the North Rim are superior to anything you can see from the South Rim. Regardless of where you line up on that argument - the Grand Canyon is spectacular.

Point Royale is a must do and we did!

As Craig would say (and has on many occasions)...

That is one magnificent hole in the ground!

Summertime and the Livin' is Easy...

So looking forward to some time away...

Hoping to

relax

hike

sleep

knit

visit

read

laugh

enjoy

and

renew.

I Should Write a Book

Some day I am going to write a book about the gym. Lots to see and overhear there - usually falling into the categories of:

craaazy

that's interesting(?)

funny - haha

and

did I really just see/hear that?!

For example:

Let me know if you want the details

on an underground botox party

coming to a 2-story colonial near you.

Sometimes I learn something at the gym that has interesting implications for the non-gym part of my life.

Sticking Points

During some strength training exercises I have been confronted with the concept of a sticking point - the place in the lift where it is the hardest or where you tend to fail -even though you actually have the strength to complete the lift. Sometimes I need just the slightest help to get through the sticking point. Sometimes even just knowing that assistance is available is all I need to push through the sticking point and complete the lift.

Sometimes in life we experience sticking points - it is not that we don't have the strength to get through whatever lies ahead, we do, but we just need some slight assistance to make it through the sticking point. The assistance we need comes in a variety of different ways - sometimes when we least expect it and sometimes when we aren't even aware that we are stuck.

... and you thought it was all about the sweating :)

June 8, 1983

The Numbers Game

3 lovely daughters

1 great son-in-law

4 states

1 blind date

7 residences

4 universities

4 degrees

9 cars

28 Years Together

1 Wonderful Life

YARN-YARN-YARN

(photo by Alicia)

Completely enjoyed going on the Metro Yarn Crawl with friends over the weekend. Could there be anything better than food, friends, fun and fiber?! Hoping to get to a couple more shops on the crawl this week and next weekend.

I have also started my countdown to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival! I have only missed the MDS&W once in the past 10 years -- yes, I am a good mom and chose to attend Alicia's SUU graduation in lieu of buying yarn, and it was totally worth it!

This is one of my favorite pictures from a summer trip in 2007 to Scandinavia and Russia. Alicia took this picture and I absolutely love it. I hear Finland calling :)